I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
