Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
