if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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