Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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