If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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