i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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