Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the raccoons are back...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
