hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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