I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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