Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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