At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
