Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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