in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just gargled with NyQuil
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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