when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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