I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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