I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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