he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
