Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
