how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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