If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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