The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
