He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
