Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
