Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
