I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
