she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
