I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
