The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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