Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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