I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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