We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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