You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
