Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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