I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
