why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
