I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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