New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
