question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
