have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
