I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
