I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
