i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
