Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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