I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
