Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't deserve a penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
