here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
