I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
