I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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