I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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