i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
