i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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