your room smells of hookers.
And success
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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